Elenamary

I no longer will judge you, Bukowski, by the tiny clip of you kicking the shit out of your girlfriend (I’d seen the whole documentary not just the clip and it had disturbed me). Nor will I judge you Slug, by your womanizing.

I’ve had issues with Slug (of Atmosphere fame) because of the widespread gossip of his womanizing. An ex of mine (and friend of Slug’s), who is as I see it also a womanizer, would even occasionally mention some of Slug’s behavior as womanizing. I like Slug’s music, love his music but wouldn’t allow myself to admit it. How could I like someone who occasionally behaved in ways I was totally against?

El Oso and I even discussed it a few years back when I mentioned I was going to an Atmosphere show:

“EM,

I’m jealous. Although, last night I was talking to the person who first introduced me to Atmosphere on a mix tape (ah the lost art of the mix tape) which had The Woman With The Tattooed Hands on it. She said she forever lost her faith in Slug when she saw him live. He was bringing up random girls on stage, making out with them, then talking shit and kicking them off. It’s a second hand account and rappers don’t have to be heroes, but I certainly expected something more from someone as thoughtful (ie. full of thought) as Slug.”

The ex who would mention Slug’s treatment of women, is also a decently well known musician, and he spoke more about his admiration for Slug then he did of the womanizing. He would speak of Slug’s dedication to his music, to his work. He’d tell me about Slug always working while on tour, always working to get his name out there. Slug, himself, has rhymed about that struggle and the sacrifices that he has made because of his self-promotion. My ex stated that he would never be as well known as Slug, for many reasons but for one, because he would never be willing to work at it as hard as Slug had or give-up time with his own children.

It was today that I realized how hard Slug, Atmosphere, have worked at their music. Today I turned on my car radio and their song “You” was playing. Later I heard the same song coming out of a parked car in the parking lot of the welfare office. As I drove home from work today an SUV pulled up along side next to me with the same song playing. At happy hour with my girlfriend, she mentioned hearing an interview on BBC with Slug today and how she was shocked the BBC was interviewing him.

I’ve got to admit it Slug has worked hard and deserves all he can get. He shouldn’t be judged by a small part of his life, but as a whole person, and like all of us, he isn’t perfect.

It is unfair for El Oso, my ex, or myself to judge Slug on rumors or even small parts of his life. We can in fact, and do, still admire Slug, as El Oso put it a few years ago: “Slug could very well be my favorite poet of his generation.”
And I think El Oso is right. Atmosphere’s new album is one of my favorite albums of all time. Respect given where respect is deserved; Slug is an amazing poet and a hard worker. Keep up the good work Slug, and if you come to Columbus, I’ll make you a home cooked meal.

You can listen to some Atmosphere here, some Slug here, or listen to the You song (as well as some other new songs) here.

I went to a bar tonight.  It was a bar on OSU’s campus.  It is a stereotypical frat/sorority bar.

I felt out of place.   Everyone was white.  Not kind-of white, like me,  but very white.  Like Ohio white.  Like blue eyes, blond hair, tanning salon bronzed skin, lots of make-up, middle/upper middle class, Ohio, not-like-me white.  I kept thinking “I will never be that kind of white”.  The white that doesn’t notice there aren’t any people of color around.  The white that feels completely in their element that they will never be questioned on their background.  It was uncomfortable, but it was an interesting social experiment.  No one knew I was uncomfortable.  The men still stared at me lusting to share their nasty bits and STDs.  The women still sized me up as their competition.

It sucked.

I am enjoying a smidgen of Schadenfreude and while I do feel a bit guilty the pleasure outweighs the guilt.

I used to get malicious messages posted to different online accounts I had.   Usually the insults were about my physical appearance.  I was never able to imagine who had so much anger towards me.  Recently, it was all clarified.   I was having an enjoyable conversation with an ex-boyfriend, when for some reason I mentioned the online attacks.  He then explained they were from his ex-wife.  I didn’t understand, was he sure they were from his ex-wife?  But they were sent while the two of them were happily married, why would she do that?  Was she jealous of me?  Why?

She was jealous.  For some reason, I guess she thought, he still felt something for me and it bothered her.  Despite the fact that he and I hadn’t spoken in years.  But now, that I know it was her, I am feeling some Schadenfreude.  Her marriage to him failed.  And although we never spoke during their courtship, marriage or divorce, it is I who still talks to him.  I have a wonderful friendship with him, better than we had when we were dating.  Despite her craziness and venomous ways, I am the one who talks to the man she loves…

Aren’t I an awful person?

It is summer time.  Summer time is when music bands tour, when the weather is good, when fruit is fresh, when exercise happens natural, and happiness permeates.  At an outdoor concert yesterday while enjoy local music, enjoying PBR with grilled Hot Dogs/Not Dogs, we reminisced about one our favorite venues, Little Brother’s, that is closing down this week.

I had my first date with Alexi at Little Brother’s.   He was in college I was in high school.  I was so excited!  A big time college boy!  Going on a date at a bar on the university campus!  It was so exciting, and we were going to see one of my favorite bands, a lesbian punk group, Tribe 8.  The band sings songs with titles like, Gang Castrate, Frat Pig, and Dead Clothed Boys.  The band members would remove their shirts, as did the crowd.  The lead singer preforms with a strap on, early in the concert she stopped the show to put a condom on her strap-on.  While she rolled the lubricated condom down her plastic penis she said “I want a heterosexual man to come up here and suck my dick until a tear comes to my eye”.  I looked around the room there were only two men present, one of them, my date, Alexi.  I encouraged Alexi to go up and he responded “I can’t I am not a heterosexual man”,  My heart fluttered, and my first thought was of awe, my date was comfortable enough with his sexuality that he could joke about it…I would later learn he was not joking.

Goodbye Little Brother’s.

Thanks to my friend Zero for forwarding me a wonderfully awful music video. This chick may be more obsessive than I am, BUT she has only had a crush on him since the 2004 Democratic National Convention I had a crush on him way before the convention.

Enjoy!

I Got a Crush on Obama

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Maury Povich can host a show “who is the baby’s daddy” where they test multiple men all having unprotected sex to see if they are the daddy.  This airs  at 4pm in the afternoon when kids are getting home from school BUT God forbid they air condom advertisements at night. From the NY Times:

In a written response to Trojan, though, Fox said that it had rejected the spot because, “Contraceptive advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy.”

That is right Fox & CBS refused to air condom adds because condoms should only be used for health related uses. What pregnancy isn’t a health-related issue? This wreaks, stinks, of patriarchy bullshit.  Do we really believe Sexuality is for procreation, condoms should only be used for prevention of STDs, and that women and sex can be used to sell alcohol but not contraceptives?

Guess what I got this little bit of reality for you CBS & Fox; pregnancy is an STD and that is why I volunteer at an abortion clinic.

I think about this quote often.  I’ve shared it here before but it is good enough to be shared multiple times.   I hope my sisters enjoy this!

“Once , watching a porn film, I saw a sight that terrified me. It was the film star’s panocha—a tidy, elliptical opening, pink and shiny like rabbit’s ear. To make matters worse, it was shaved.

I think what startled me most was the realization that my own sex has no resemblance to this woman’s. My sex, dark as an orchid, rubbery and blue purple as a pulpo, an octopus, does not look nice and tidy, but otherworldly.

When I see La Virgen de Guadalupe I want to lift her dress as I did my dolls’ and look to see if she comes with chones, and does her panocha look like mine, and does she have dark nipples too? Yes, I am certain she does.”

Sandra Cisneros

I’ve never understood the obsession with La Malinche until now, and only because I am using her as an icon in with whom I can identify with, who can help me define my behavior, my sexual relationships, my personal identity—yes ladies and gentlemen, I have become Xicana.Who is La Malinche? She is a women known by many names; Mother of Mestizos, La Primera Madre de nuestra nacionalidad (the first mother of our nationality), La Madre Violada (the raped mother), Malintzin, La Chingada (the fucked/raped one), Doña Marina, the traitor, the womb, the tongue…

Malinche was a translator for Hernan Cortez. Some texts will argue that she was an Aztec princess sold to Hernan Cortez, she was neither Aztec nor a princess. A description of her as princesses was not used until she had a child by Cortez, and was needed to be described as “noble” by Spanish historians after the conquest. Also, most texts of that time make note that she was not Aztec but Chicanos have made her Aztec, they pretty much have made almost all Mexicans Aztec—which we are not—but that is another story.

So, La Malinche is this women who has been sold as a slave since childhood between many tribes. She learns not only their languages but the ethos of their languages. She is sold to the Spanish where she learns Spanish and is then given to Hernan Cortez with another 20 or so women. It is here that it is noticed that she can be valuable as a translator for Cortez. She warns Cortez of an uprising against him. Cortez using this knowledge goes out and slaughters a whole town where the uprising is supposed to be coming from, and this is argued, is what leads him to take full control of México. La Malinche gives birth to what is argued is the first Mestizo child (Cortez being the father) and this child is taken away from her and to Spain where he can be raised correctly. All of this is oversimplified but you all get the jist.

So, Xicana feminists love reclaiming La Malinche because she is the virgin/whore dichotomy in one. She is super intelligent and yet portrayed as a whore. She is thought of as a traitor to her race (the indigenous people of Mexico) and yet as the mother of La Mestizaje. She is referred to in text as only body parts, tongue and womb. Her tongue a tool used to bring down the people and equated with evil, her womb equated with goodness and the carrier of the Mestizo people. She is a whore and a mother. She is referred to as La Chingada (the fucked one), Cortez as El Chingon (the fucker) and her children as the hijos of la chingada (children of the fucked–the byproducts of rape).

I like la Malinche because she is really misunderstood (not that i think she will ever be understood). But for christs sake, my people, the Purepecha, like others could be blamed for the fall of the Aztecs. The Aztecs sent messengers to the Purepecha for assistance, and the Aztec messengers were sacrificed. It wasn’t one person like La Malinche, or one group of people like the Purepecha that brought the fall of multiple nations, but many factors.

Sometimes, Mexican or Chicana women who date or marry outside of Latino are referred to as Malinchistas. I like this in that it gives me something I can grab a hold of reconstruct and return to the world. Go ahead, I want to be a MALINCHISTA! I am hija de una chingada. But I will not be a chingada nor will I be a virgin, nor am I Eve your temptress. I am smart and quick tongued, and all the goodness and sexuality of the womb.

Today, Phil was offered the job in Austin. It was wonderful news at first but now is somewhat bitter sweet. It is awesome for him, however I’ll be losing my friend. And up until yesterday I thought I’d be moving to Austin too (not until September). However, it is beginning to look like I may end up moving to Puerto Rico to finish my sciences.

To celebrate Phil’s awesome news we went to the Wexner center to see Leningrad Cowboys Go America and during a scene on La Frontera with La Virgen de Guadalupe in the backdrop, Phil leans in and whispers “Every time I see Virgin Mary, I see Vaginas. It is all your fault. I am serious.”